Our God is an AWESOME God!

Wow! I can't even believe I'm going to type the following words...I'M PREGNANT!!! It seems to surreal to me right now. We found out Saturday, June 6, 2009. Just 3 days ago. And wow how our world has changed in those 3 days! I guess I should start back at the beginning....

I married my soulmate and my best friend, on May 22, 2004. Five happy years ago. 3 years ago we decided we wanted to be parents. Looking back now, I know we weren't ready. It's a good thing God knows us better than we know ourselves! We tried for a little over a year and nothing happened. So to the dr. I went. He suggested we try a 'schedule' for a few more months and see what happened. Again, nothing happened. So May 2008 we went back. We went through some testing and our doctor decided IUIs (interuterine insemination) was our best route. We had IUIs the next 4 months - 2 on Clomid, 2 not - with no results. I won't go into details, but the care we were receiving from that doctor wasn't what we needed. So October 2007 we switched doctors. Our new doctor was a wonderful, caring man. He listened and knew exactly what to do for me. I had surgery 2 weeks later! As it turns out, I had endometriosis and cysts covering my ovaries. There was a huge polyp on my cervix. Both ovaries were doubled in size, flat as pancakes and suctioned to the back of me. I was not in good shape. But after surgery, I was good to go! I went on Femara and Metformin to help me ovulate and Jamey went on Clomid - just for extra good chances! We tried for 6 more months with no results. I have to say that I went through a really dark period. I was eaten up with bitterness and resentment. I hated everyone who was pregnant! They had what I so badly wanted. I didn't understand why every crackhead on the street could get pregnant and I couldn't!

Looking back now, I can see that God used my infertility to draw me closer to Him. And it worked. I finally got to a point so low that there was nowhere to go but up. As Beth Moore calls it, I was in a pit. And God was the only one who could pull me out. And you know what? He did! His grace and mercy never ceases to amaze me.

In May, I decided I had had enough. I wanted a break from infertility. I was tired of it dictating my life. So I went off my medicines, I didn't chart my temperature, I didnt' even keep up with my cycle days. I told God that I was done - it was in His hands! I think sometimes He's just waiting for us to realize we can't do it on our own. We need Him. But He can only be there for us if we let Him.

So now onto the good part! I was busy packing up my classroom the last week of May/first week of June. I was really busy and not really paying attention to my body. My nurse said my progesterone level was way too low so I didn't even think I ovulated. There was no way I was pregnant! I was having this weird scent problem, though. Everywhere I went it smelled really bad! I was convinced there was something dead in my room one day, but never found anything. I kept telling Jamey his feet stunk! One day I swore there was a skunk somewhere around our house. I was the only one smelling these things, though! I also had a couple days where I felt really lightheaded and a little nauseous. But they had just upped my Metformin so I thought my body was just adjusting.

On Saturday, June 6, I realized I was 2 days late -- never happens to me! But I figured it was because I didn't ovulate. My inlaws and my niece were here visiting and everyone was already up and in the living room when I got up. I had 1 pregnancy test left over in the bathroom and decided to take it that morning just for kicks! I laid the test down and by the time I could glance at it again, there were 2 lines!! 2 lines!! I couldn't believe my eyes. I just started crying and praising God. I didn't know what to do!! Keep in mind we had been trying for 3 LONG years. I was shocked! The one month I didn't take meds, didn't 'try', I was pregnant! So of course after 3 long years I had come up with the perfect way to surprise my husband with our pregnancy. But that didn't seem important at all. As I was pacing in the bathroom wishing we didn't have a house full of company, my husband comes in the bedroom to see if I want to go eat breakfast with everyone. He told me later that when he saw my face he was scared to death. He assumed I had found out I wasn't pregnant again and wanted him to ask his parents to go home! Little did he know! I motioned him in the bathroom - because I couldn't get any words out - and handed him the pregnancy test. He just stared at it for the longest time, then looked at me and smiled the sweetest smile I've ever seen. We just hugged eachother for the longest time! From Saturday to Monday I took 6 pregnancy tests! I guess after seeing negatives for 3 years I had some obsession with seeing that positive!

Let me just tell you that the hardest thing is knowing we were pregnant after 3 years and not being able to tell anyone! I wanted so badly to tell my mom and my sister first thing. But we decided to wait until we knew a little more and were further into the safe zone.

I went Monday and had my HCG drawn. My level was 156 which my nurse said was well within normal range and that I was in fact pregnant. I was in JC Penney when I got the call and I just started crying right there in the store. I know I was getting some funny stares!

So...I'm writing this before I have even told anyone! We decided to save our good news until Father's Day weekend. So after that I will give this site address to all our friends and family!

Tomorrow I go back for another HCG level. My levels should have doubled. Hopefully that's what we'll find out. I have to admit that right now I'm really scared. We've tried so long for this little miracle (which we are calling our Peanut right now!) that I just want to know everything's OK!

Good night for now!